The Fermented Grapes of my Nocturnal Wrath

I wrote my first check of 2013 today.  I was very focused on not writing 2012 so for this time, I got it right.  I know, however, in the near future I will write the date as 2012 again.  This trend will continue for me the next several times I write the date until I ultimately get it spot on as 2013 every time   This will occur probably sometime in late February or early March.  I know this because it happens to me every year.  I think I am not the only one who does this so I don't feel too bad about it and don't see it as a sign of the dreaded Alzheimer's disease I worry about being plagued with almost everyday when I forget something or mess up some simple task I have done a gazillion times.

Along with errors in writing the date, every year I contemplate the "New Year's Resolution" issue.  To resolute or not to resolute, it's the ultimate January question.  Usually my resolute is not to resolute and if I do resolute, I don't tell others about it.  I know we are more likely to keep resolutions if we involve others to cheer us on and track our progress with us  but there is another side to consider.  If I involve others in things I want to improve about myself and I fail to improve myself, I either have to admit my failure,  avoid the person so they won't cheer for me or I have to lie to them.  I don't like admitting failure, listening to undeserved cheers from my personal paparazzi, or lying to people.  So if I do resolute for the year, I generally keep it to myself. I prefer to try to improve myself as I go along throughout the year whether it is January or July or December.  If something's "broke," I try to fix it when it's "broke."   Of course, I always have a lot of areas I am privately working on and struggling with as I suppose most of us do.

This year on New Year's Day, I did resolve to try something new.  My new thing I am trying is to become more knowledgeable and appreciative of wine and the wine industry in general. I am intrigued by wine.  There are so many kinds and it is so intimidating yet fascinating to me.  My realization for this came to me at a recent dinner at a restaurant when ordering wine was what the Romans were doing... so when in Rome... I just stared at that menu and had no clue.  Do I order something I can easily pronounce at $18.00 a glass? Do I go with the cheapest one at $10.50 a glass even though I will just have to point at it because I have no idea what it's called?  Do I order red wine because that's what the menu suggests with my entree and it's really pretty in the glass even though I'm pretty sure I don't like it or do I order something in the white zinfandel family because I know I can drink it? I finally settled in the mid price range white zin family with a name I could pronounce. It was pretty good actually. It was quite potent.  I was feeling a little light headed by the time the food arrived after only consuming about half the glass.  Along with the restaurant experience, another thing that caused the resolve on the wine issue was that my dishwasher has these little shelves in the top rack that flip down and are designed to hold stemware to wash.  I never use them because who wants to drink Diet Coke from stemware?  One would be thought a fool if one were to do so.  Finally, we've all heard that drinking a glass of wine each day can be good for your health.  This medical finding allows people of my age and stature (middle aged women with kids) to consume wine every day and not be thought of badly whereas if they were shooting whiskey or slamming shots of tequila everyday, they would be thought of as a "lush."

About 4:00 in the afternoon on January 1, we snuck off with 2/3 of the children in tow to the Wal Mart in Jane, Missouri to make our wine purchase. Thanks to the voters of Benton County, I will not have to sneak off to Missouri to purchase wine sometime in the near future because we have officially become a wet county as of January 1.  Anyway, after arriving at the Wal Mart, we sent the children off on a mission to procure other items on the shopping list while we began our search for smashed, rotten grapes in a nice bottle.  I must say, the selection was intimidating to say the least. I would guess they had close to 500 different wines in the store.  I envied their collection.  There was everything from that classy Boone's Farm variety at less than $3 a bottle to bottles nearing $100 (that's just for the one bottle.)  Luckily "there's an app for that"....literally, there is an app called "Hello Vino."  I downloaded it right there in the Wal Mart wine store.  It asked me a few questions and within a couple of minutes I had recommendations for 4 different chardonnays  the app thought I might like right there on my Iphone 5. I could only find one of the wines listed, but it was the one I wanted anyway.  It was called "Middle Sister Smarty Pants Chardonnay."  I chose that one because I thought  at least if the wine thing doesn't work out, Macy (middle Alexander sister) will have a cool bottle signifying her sibling relationship she can keep.  Rusty picked out a bottle of some kind of red wine and I grabbed a $5 bottle of "Arbor Mist Melon" because it was cheap and said it was melony.

We drove home and put the wine in the fridge.  Although red wine is normally supposed to be served near room temperature, we refrigerated it anyway.  We had the traditional New Year's black eyed pea meal, then we got the wine out.  It was all very exciting.  We stood in the kitchen trying to decide what to drink and all of the sudden came to the realization --we do not own a corkscrew!  Wow!  How can this be?  Three bottles and not a way to open them! Suddenly I made an observation about the $5 Arbor Mist wine, it comes with a screw off lid.  No worries!  I was back in business.  I poured the first glass.  It tasted quite good.  I finished the first full glass and was surprised to be experiencing none of the lightheadedness I had experienced at the restaurant with even a smaller amount.  It was at this point I learned that different wine has different percentages of alcohol content.  This is due to how ripe the grapes are when they are picked.  I have learned so much already!  My Arbor Mist was 6% alcohol by volume.  This is in the " very low" area as far as alcohol content for wine.  In fact under 12.5% is very low for alcohol content in wine so my Arbor Mist was in the extremely low range.  This was a little disappointing to me, but not disappointing enough to deter me from another glass and finally just throwing down the whole bottle ---I was using stemware and did not drink it from the actual bottle.  Other than a few moments near the end of the second glass, I never felt anything like lightheadedness from the wine like I had in the restaurant.

The evening went on and eventually it was time for bed.  I lay in bed for awhile.  Hmmm....it was 1:00 and I wasn't asleep, wasn't even sleepy.  It's ok I thought.   This is unusual for me, but I don't have to work tomorrow.  I amused myself with my own thoughts and worried about early onset Alzheimer's for awhile as I know changes in sleep patterns can be an early symptom  and it became 1:30 then 2:00 then 2:30 and so on.  At 3:00 I got up and went to the kitchen and ate a bunch of cookies to try to console myself.  At 3:30, I got back up to brush and floss my teeth because the cookies had left a weird filmy feeling in my mouth.  At 4:00 I went on a tour of the house to check for fires and intruders and worried about OCD, paranoia, and anxiety disorders for awhile.  At 4:30, I got back up and took 2 Benadryl.  I don't remember looking at the clock again and woke up for the day a little after 9:00.  It could be coincidence, but I blame my failure to sleep on my success at consuming an entire bottle of cheap wine.

I am still interested in the wine industry and I plan to drink some now and then, but I haven't had any since January 1 and don't plan to have any for the next few days.  I did purchase a corkscrew so I will at some point open the Middle Sister Smarty Pants Chardonnay.  I texted a friend of mine who is a wine enthusiast of sorts and she is going to work on a list of wines she thinks I might like for my next "tour de Wal Mart wine shop."

This brings me to my final New Year's resolution for the year which can be summed up in a quote by Epictetus, the ancient Greek sage and stoic philosopher, "If one oversteps the bounds of moderation the greatest pleasures cease to please."

Thanks for reading.

I haven't written on this blog in awhile.  Blame it on my life I guess, but it gets pretty crazy keeping up with work, the family, the poodles, the housework, etc.  I just have some random, meandering thoughts to share.

• Why can't I write "Xmas" instead of Christmas?  I know I have just lost some readers who are totally offended and will proclaim me as a blasphemer and may never speak to me again for the "Xmas" thing.   I hate that, but, just for something to think about, I want to share one thing I remember learning in my expensive tenure at a learning institution known as John Brown University.  If I remember correctly, I was receiving what is known as a "Christian Liberal Arts" education.  Anyway, if I gained nothing else from the  18 hours of Bible classes I took, I did glean the fact the the letter "x" is the symbol for Christ in the Greek language - the language in which the New Testament was originally written.  I can't speak for everyone who uses the Xmas word, but for me it's just a shorter way to say it in a text or informal writing.  I wouldn't use it on an actual Xmas card or in a group email, but I will continue to write or say "Xmas."  I hope you will not be too offended. It's not intended to b
• Why do people ask me to repost stuff on Facebook?  Have you ever seen one of those facebook posts that says something like "share if you love (Jesus, your mother, your child, your grandmother)?"  It will go on to say that if you don't  "share" or "like" the post you will go to Hell or some significant person in your life will die simply because you don't care enough to "like" or "share."  I have recently learned that posts of this type are designed as scams to generate and validate  facebook users' information or gain other information about the person liking or sharing.  I almost never like or share a facebook post I don't know the owner of, but it seems to be a trend among some facebook users to like and share almost everything they see.
• Vacuum envy.  For Xmas, I got a Dyson vacuum cleaner.  Don't be jealous, we are very practical people around here.  I have wanted one for several years, but they are so expensive I wasn't willing to pay the price.  Well friends, I have to tell you, the Dyson is a superior product and well worth the money you spend.  I guess we shall see how long it lasts to determine its worth in the long run, but normally it just takes me about a year to tear up a vacuum cleaner so if it lasts 2 years, it will be money well spent.  How sad am I that I am sitting around on a Friday night writing about how much I love my vacuum cleaner?  Does it make me even sadder that there is just about nothing else I'd rather be doing?
• A ban on firearms? Without getting too far into my personal beliefs or yours on the right to own a weapon that shoots, if they repeal the second amendment or issue a ban on firearms, how will they get the crazy, antisocial, psychotic,  sociopath, or just plain weird people to give their weapons up?  My guess is it would just keep the honest people honest like locks on doors.  I personally don't believe a ban on firearms would keep the crazies from going around shooting innocent people in schools, malls, or wherever.  They would keep their weapons while honest, law abiding citizens lined up to turn theirs in out of fear of punishment.  I do think if the media stopped reporting so sagaciously and tenaciously on these tragedies, it might be a deterrent from future crazies shooting people.  I watch/read the news and like to stay informed, but it seems whatever they are reporting on stays in our minds.  When you think about the fact the people generally tend to make decisions based on the payoff for themselves (fear of loss/hope for gain) you have to consider that pretty much a shooter's only payoff is the notoriety he/she receives from reports on the incident even if they are dead themselves when they receive the notoriety.
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