Red Dirt Road

I'm a country music fan.  I like some other kinds of music too, but if I were to download songs on my iPhone (which I never will because I'm too cheap - I prefer to think of it as "sensible" or perhaps "frugal") anyway, about 90% of the songs I would download would be country. To that end, there are a lot of country songs that bestow the accolades of dirt roads, gravel roads, or leaving the blacktop in general.  A couple of my favorites are Jason Aldean's "Dirt Road Anthem" and Brooks & Dunn's "Red Dirt Road."  Some of these songs may make you "wanna take a back road" (Rodney Atkins.)  Well, having lived on a dirt road for the last 12 years of my life, I'm here to tell you why you should just stay on the black top and drive as fast as you can past that dirt road calling your name.

 First, there is the cleanliness of your vehicle to consider.  About 95% of the time, your rig will be either muddy or dusty if you drive on that dirt road.  That gives you about 19 random days a year to sport a clean vehicle if you drive on the road every day.  Second, there is the damage the rocks and gravel will cause to your tires.  If you drive very often on a dirt road, you will get flat tires and you will wear your tires out sooner than you had planned.  Next, there seems to be a problem with some people thinking  dirt roads are actually free landfills for their trash.  Some of the items I've seen on the road include couches, love seats, chairs, mattresses, tires, beer cans, beer bottles, beer boxes, liquor bottles, used personal items made of latex, car batteries, car oil,  fast food trash, bags of garbage, and helpless puppies and kittens people were too irresponsible to take care of properly.  Additionally, there are some crazy or shall we just say "different" people who live on dirt roads (I ,of course, am not one of them) but I have found that some move to dirt road areas to do things or conduct business that is at least questionable in the eyes of the law.  I'm told there is one person on the road I live on that is convinced the government is spying on him and has collected an arsenal of weapons to protect himself.  I've personally seen the man walking his little Dachshund dog and I can't imagine the government would be interested in anything he is doing, but if having a lot of weapons makes him feel  happy or safe, who am I to question it?

If you just can't shake that dirt road fever and decide to go down one to find Jesus, drink beer, pick blackberries, throw a little gravel in your travel, or dump your trash, I have one more piece of advice.  Please watch your speed.  This will protect you from other drivers who are not watching their speed.  It's funny how on a dirt road the smoothest side on which to drive is never the side on the right.  Most people either drive down the left side or just make their own lane right down the middle. Several years ago one of these drivers hit the back end of my silver Suburban with his red truck because he was going very fast on the wrong side of the road on a curve.  He didn't stop, nor did he slow down, but I was able to jump out and get his tag number and a description of the vehicle.  I called the police and complained that he was driving too fast and he had hit me.  They said there was little they could do because unless there is a posted speed limit, the limit is 55 mph.  Additionally, the officer said, even though I had his tag number, it wouldn't be prudent to try to find him because all he would have to do is say he had not hit my suv and it would be his word against mine even though there was red paint on my Suburban.  I recommend a speed of less than 30 mph and driving on the rockier side with the most briers and brush hanging over -  this will always be the side on  your right.

Thanks for reading.