The other day I went to Taco Bell. Hopefully, that does not disgust you. But I love Taco Bell. I like their food. It's quick and easy and if you order the cheaper items off the menu and get water to drink, you can eat there pretty cheap. Maris and I ate for like 6 bucks this week.
While we were waiting in line, we were behind an older gentleman. You could tell he is not the type that frequently visits taco bell. He asked several questions about the menu. The cashier who was taking his order had to seek help from the shift manager to answer some of his questions like what came on or with the particular items he was questioning. He finally settled on ordering the number 1. The number 1 is a burrito supreme, a taco supreme, and a drink. After ordering the number 1, he faced the dreaded question, "crunchy or soft" (referring to the taco.) After asking a few more questions about crunchy versus soft, he placed his order for the soft. After settling on his order, it took him awhile to pay. He questioned the cost and then had to pull exact change out of several different pockets of his polyester leisure pants. By the time he had finished paying for his order, his food was ready. They called his number. He stood there for a minute looking at the food and then said "this does not look like the picture." They had to call the shift manager back to deal with him. She turned around backward and leaned her bottom on the counter so that she could get herself into a position to actually look at the picture of the number 1 on the menu board. After taking a gander at the picture, she said "well, sir, this is what you ordered. This is the number 1 - a burrito supreme, taco supreme and a drink." He smiled a "right- fighter" type of smile and had the shift manager actually walk around to the front of the counter to see that his food indeed did not look like the picture on the menu board. Maris and I were just standing there waiting and I thought I could easily intervene and "help" these young Taco Bell workers with this explanation, but it was more fun to just watch. Shift manager finally explained that she could not make it look like the picture because it was served in a wrapper and not on a plate as shown in the picture. Polyester pants man said he wanted his served on a plate. Shift manager said she was not allowed to serve it on a plate and began the turning of her shift manager key in the cash register to generate a refund for his Mexican shapes that sadly did not look like the picture. She got the money out of the drawer and polyester pants man said "what are you doing? I don't want my money back. I just want my food to look like the picture." He finally just said "forget it" and took his shapes to a table and sat down to eat it, leaving his large drink cup behind.
Although polyester pants man should probably not eat at Taco Bell because he will never be happy, I think we've all had times of disappointment when our food did not look like the picture or something was not as we expected or anticipated it to be. It happens in everything we do, big and small. Makeup is the wrong color. Sheets are not as soft as they should be. Laundry detergent doesn't make the clothes smell as good as in the bottle. Clothes don't look as good as they did in the dressing room mirror. This baby cries more than I thought it would. The check was not as big as I thought. It goes on and on.
One place I always find problems with my expectations being too high or service being too low is with people I hire to do labor or work on things. Specifically, with my house or house projects in general. Rusty, my husband, is a pretty handy man. I think he can fix or do just about anything, but occasionally things arise that are too labor intensive for the amount of time he has to do them. We always end up getting disappointed with people we hire. Usually they just quit showing up. I know that may be hard for you to believe and probably never happens to you, but it's true. I think it's a curse or something, but it happens to us all the time.
We built a swimming pool in 2001. The guy got almost finished and just never came back leaving us (who had never dealt with a pool before) to figure out how to hook up the pump, heater, chlorinator, cleaner, etc. We remodeled our house in 2003. It was supposed to take 30 days to complete. After 120 days, the contractor just never came back. The house was so dirty and in such disarray, we weren't even able to live in it for about a month. That experience ended with the contractor filing a lawsuit against us because he did not receive his final payment. We counter-sued for his faulty construction and not completing the job. We settled it out of court with neither party receiving any payment (except the attorneys we both had to pay.) After 9 years, there are still things that are not finished or are not right with the remodel. But you live and learn and then move on.
This year we needed a bathroom finished in the upstairs bonus room that the 2003 contractor left incomplete. We called 3 different plumbers. They all gave about the same estimate of around $1000 for the project. One even went so far as to design a shower for the room, but then the day came and went for him to start the project and he never came and never called. That's been four months ago so my guess would be he's not coming back.
We are currently trying to do a quick remodel on a house that is for sale. We are trying to take a large open space and frame in some walls to turn the open space into 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and remodel a kitchen. We got a bunch of bids and settled on a company to do the framing, heat and air, electrical and plumbing. We signed a contract, paid a deposit, and they started on the project. It's looking really good, but Friday, for no apparent reason, they did not show up to work. We called the owner of the company and he was very apologetic and assured us they will be working this weekend to catch up. I want to believe him, but am getting a touch of deja vu with the whole experience. I have to believe this project will work out. We were very careful this time to space his payments in the contract so that he has more labor, time, and money in the project at any given point then we have paid for. Hopefully that will provide an incentive for him to "make it look like the picture."
I guess what I can take from all these experiences is to focus on making what I do "look like the picture." If I say I am going to do something or things are going to be a certain way, I need to do everything I can to make sure what I do is indeed what I said I would do or as close as I can make it. I cannot be responsible for the behavior or actions of Taco Bell, swimming pool builders, contractors, plumbers, or anyone else, but I can be responsible to my own stakeholders for my own actions in my own endeavors.
I wish everything looked like the picture, but we all know sometimes thing won't. I'll close with words from the "Serenity Prayer" by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr,
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."
Thanks for reading.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
The Inquisition
My eldest child (Morganne, 18) recently broke up with a boyfriend she had been dating for two months. I support the breakup. It was her decision totally, but I am glad she made the decision she did. As an outsider looking in, the two were just not right for each other at this time, in my opinion.
After the breakup, another boy (let's just call him "John" to protect his anonymity) began texting her and they mutually decided they would like to go out on a date. A few days before the date was scheduled to occur, John texted her at the last minute and asked if she would like to come to a barbecue at his house (he's 20 and lives with his parents.) She was without plans for the evening and decided to attend the barbecue. She was very excited at the prospect of meeting his parents. That's the kind of kid she is, she's a parent meeter. She started dating a little later than most (which is perfectly fine with me) and she always brings her male friends over to meet us after a date or two. We don't demand it, but of course, appreciate it. We've met a total of 3 boys.
Morganne arrived at the home of John and his parents (let's just call them Mr. and Mrs. Righteous.) Mr. Righteous immediately questioned her concerning the year model of her car. It's actually a 2011 - yes, my kid has a nearly new car. A lot of thought and consideration went into the purchase of that car, but in the end when the 1999 model car she was driving needed more work than it was actually worth, we opted for the purchase of the new car. Maybe I'll write another blog about that purchase someday, but for now, dear reader, please just without judgement accept that my daughter drives a 2011 car (for which she pays a portion of each month out of her earnings from her job she has had for 2.5 years at the movie theater where she is now a supervisor.) Mr. Righteous made a few more comments regaling his opinion on her car not having been made in America (it's a Nissan) and insinuating she should not have a car that new. (You might think this was the worst thing that happened, but no, it gets worse.)
After being seated in the backyard where Mr. and Mrs. Righteous have enjoyed and are continuing to enjoy several beers, the "inquisition" began. What are you going to college for, Mr. Righteous asked. To be a history teacher, Morganne replied. When will women ever realize they are not an important part of history, Mr. Righteous questioned. Mrs. Righteous then took over stating that teachers do not make enough money to raise their children. They asked how many children she wants. At this point she doesn't even know IF she wants children so she said something like "I don't know, 2, 1, 0?" Then came the questions on religion. She told them she was a Nazarene. In their opinion, being a Nazarene is not nearly as "right" as being a Southern Baptist. Not sure on the current standards for Southern Baptists, but in the 30+ years I was one, I seem to remember that drinking alcohol is frowned upon. Now, to clarify, Nazarenes don't condone drinking either. I don't judge people on their alcohol status and I actually have been known to drink from the alcohol well myself now and then. Something I did learn from my Baptist upbringing is "judge not, lest ye be judged..." Or "for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged." Actually the Nazarenes and the Southern Baptists share almost all similar beliefs. I am not criticizing Southern Baptists and may at some point convert back someday. While I am not judging them on their alcohol intake or their beliefs as Southern Baptists, I am merely saying maybe their alcohol intake or state of soberness had something to do with their classless questioning and lack of inhibition on questioning an 18 year old girl.
But back to the questioning, "how many boys have you dated? Are you a virgin?" (What kind of person would even ask that? In this situation, you know the answer you are going to get. You will get a resounding "yes." It will either be the truth or a lie, but you won't know either way so you'll just assume they are lying. So other than for the purpose of making everyone uncomfortable, why ask?) After several more questions regarding views on abortion, gay marriage, interracial marriage, and having friends of other races, Mrs. Righteous called John into the kitchen feigning she needed his "help." Morganne excused herself to use the restroom. While in the restroom she overheard Mrs. Righteous telling John that Morganne was obviously a "wh***" and not right for him. John tried to defend Morganne for awhile, but Mrs. Righteous in her all-knowing state of infinite wisdom was unrelenting.
Morganne left the bathroom and joined the Righteous's again. She lied and told them she had received a phone call from her mother and had to go home. She arrived home embarrassed and upset.
As a mother, I spent several sleepless hours that night thinking inappropriate thoughts about things I would like to to do those people -- illegal, immoral, painful things that are definitely sins whether you're Southern Baptist or Nazarene. I then thought of some less evil, but still sinful things like spraying their entire sodded yard with Roundup. In the end though, I decided to move on and learn from the experience and encourage Morganne to do the same. Instead of being angry, I pity poor Mr. and Mrs. Righteous. They are helicopter parents - they "fly" in and "rescue" because they think poor little 20 year old John is not smart enough or capable enough to figure things out on his own or make good decisions. They have not given him the skills he will need to function in the world and he will pick up the tab for that upbringing throughout much of his life. I prefer to raise my children a different way. To quote one of my favorite parenting experts, Dr. Charles Fay, when my children are out making decisions on their own, I want them to say "I recognize this world. We practiced for it at home."
Thanks for reading.
After the breakup, another boy (let's just call him "John" to protect his anonymity) began texting her and they mutually decided they would like to go out on a date. A few days before the date was scheduled to occur, John texted her at the last minute and asked if she would like to come to a barbecue at his house (he's 20 and lives with his parents.) She was without plans for the evening and decided to attend the barbecue. She was very excited at the prospect of meeting his parents. That's the kind of kid she is, she's a parent meeter. She started dating a little later than most (which is perfectly fine with me) and she always brings her male friends over to meet us after a date or two. We don't demand it, but of course, appreciate it. We've met a total of 3 boys.
Morganne arrived at the home of John and his parents (let's just call them Mr. and Mrs. Righteous.) Mr. Righteous immediately questioned her concerning the year model of her car. It's actually a 2011 - yes, my kid has a nearly new car. A lot of thought and consideration went into the purchase of that car, but in the end when the 1999 model car she was driving needed more work than it was actually worth, we opted for the purchase of the new car. Maybe I'll write another blog about that purchase someday, but for now, dear reader, please just without judgement accept that my daughter drives a 2011 car (for which she pays a portion of each month out of her earnings from her job she has had for 2.5 years at the movie theater where she is now a supervisor.) Mr. Righteous made a few more comments regaling his opinion on her car not having been made in America (it's a Nissan) and insinuating she should not have a car that new. (You might think this was the worst thing that happened, but no, it gets worse.)
After being seated in the backyard where Mr. and Mrs. Righteous have enjoyed and are continuing to enjoy several beers, the "inquisition" began. What are you going to college for, Mr. Righteous asked. To be a history teacher, Morganne replied. When will women ever realize they are not an important part of history, Mr. Righteous questioned. Mrs. Righteous then took over stating that teachers do not make enough money to raise their children. They asked how many children she wants. At this point she doesn't even know IF she wants children so she said something like "I don't know, 2, 1, 0?" Then came the questions on religion. She told them she was a Nazarene. In their opinion, being a Nazarene is not nearly as "right" as being a Southern Baptist. Not sure on the current standards for Southern Baptists, but in the 30+ years I was one, I seem to remember that drinking alcohol is frowned upon. Now, to clarify, Nazarenes don't condone drinking either. I don't judge people on their alcohol status and I actually have been known to drink from the alcohol well myself now and then. Something I did learn from my Baptist upbringing is "judge not, lest ye be judged..." Or "for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged." Actually the Nazarenes and the Southern Baptists share almost all similar beliefs. I am not criticizing Southern Baptists and may at some point convert back someday. While I am not judging them on their alcohol intake or their beliefs as Southern Baptists, I am merely saying maybe their alcohol intake or state of soberness had something to do with their classless questioning and lack of inhibition on questioning an 18 year old girl.
But back to the questioning, "how many boys have you dated? Are you a virgin?" (What kind of person would even ask that? In this situation, you know the answer you are going to get. You will get a resounding "yes." It will either be the truth or a lie, but you won't know either way so you'll just assume they are lying. So other than for the purpose of making everyone uncomfortable, why ask?) After several more questions regarding views on abortion, gay marriage, interracial marriage, and having friends of other races, Mrs. Righteous called John into the kitchen feigning she needed his "help." Morganne excused herself to use the restroom. While in the restroom she overheard Mrs. Righteous telling John that Morganne was obviously a "wh***" and not right for him. John tried to defend Morganne for awhile, but Mrs. Righteous in her all-knowing state of infinite wisdom was unrelenting.
Morganne left the bathroom and joined the Righteous's again. She lied and told them she had received a phone call from her mother and had to go home. She arrived home embarrassed and upset.
As a mother, I spent several sleepless hours that night thinking inappropriate thoughts about things I would like to to do those people -- illegal, immoral, painful things that are definitely sins whether you're Southern Baptist or Nazarene. I then thought of some less evil, but still sinful things like spraying their entire sodded yard with Roundup. In the end though, I decided to move on and learn from the experience and encourage Morganne to do the same. Instead of being angry, I pity poor Mr. and Mrs. Righteous. They are helicopter parents - they "fly" in and "rescue" because they think poor little 20 year old John is not smart enough or capable enough to figure things out on his own or make good decisions. They have not given him the skills he will need to function in the world and he will pick up the tab for that upbringing throughout much of his life. I prefer to raise my children a different way. To quote one of my favorite parenting experts, Dr. Charles Fay, when my children are out making decisions on their own, I want them to say "I recognize this world. We practiced for it at home."
Thanks for reading.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Just For Today
Ages ago (probably more than 20 years ago) I cut out a little non-rhyming poem from the newspaper. It was in an advice column like "Dear Abby" or something. I hung that little non-rhyming poem on my refrigerator and it's still there in all its ugly yellowness and age, it is still there. I still try to live my anxiety ridden life by these words most days and I try to teach my children to live by similar character traits and patterns of thought. It's not religious or non-religious. It's not Christian or non-Christian...just common sense words to try to help you get through each day, not worry about tomorrow, and be as productive and kind as you can be. It goes something like this (well exactly like this, actually.)
Just for today-----I will live through the next 12 hours and not try to tackle all of life's problems at once.
Just for today-----I will improve my mind. I will learn something useful. I will read something that requires thought and concentration.
Just for today-----I will be agreeable. I will look my best, speak in a well-modulated voice, be courteous and considerate.
Just for today-----I will not find fault with friend, relative or colleague. I will not try to change or improve anyone but myself.
Just for today-----I will do a good deed and keep it a secret. If anyone finds out, it won't count.
Just for today-----I will have a program. I might not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two enemies: hurry & indecision.
Just for today-----I will do two things I don't want to do, just because I need the discipline.
Just for today-----I will believe in myself. I will give my best to the world and feel confident that the world will give its best to me.
-Anonymous-
Thanks for reading.
Just for today-----I will live through the next 12 hours and not try to tackle all of life's problems at once.
Just for today-----I will improve my mind. I will learn something useful. I will read something that requires thought and concentration.
Just for today-----I will be agreeable. I will look my best, speak in a well-modulated voice, be courteous and considerate.
Just for today-----I will not find fault with friend, relative or colleague. I will not try to change or improve anyone but myself.
Just for today-----I will do a good deed and keep it a secret. If anyone finds out, it won't count.
Just for today-----I will have a program. I might not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two enemies: hurry & indecision.
Just for today-----I will do two things I don't want to do, just because I need the discipline.
Just for today-----I will believe in myself. I will give my best to the world and feel confident that the world will give its best to me.
-Anonymous-
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